It took me a long time to find an answer that felt right to me. At first, all that came to my mind were the typical things: make something, start a business, write for a living, find a career that I would find fulfilling and would make me wake up in anticipation and not dread everyday. But for some reason, all of the above felt too literal; too describable; too tangible. None of it felt enough.
Then I realised that I had tried all of that before. I had tried working in an area I was passionate about, I had tried starting a small non-profit, I had tried freelancing with my writing. But each and every time, I failed or didn’t go as far as I could have tried with my pursuits because I let the fear of failing badly get to me every single time. Feared setting expectations on myself too high and failing to reach them, which I know will devastate my self-confidence further. So I always inadvertently – and perhaps subconsciously – chose to quit and run away before I fall, without even trying hard enough.
So if I could do one new thing without any fear of failing, I would choose to live precariously and to stick with it. To always live on the edge. To have the bravery and confidence to go into things full steam ahead without a care or worry about failing. To be able to shrug off all insecurities and dust away all fears so that I can just focus my energies on moving ahead, on stepping forward, on breaking through barriers without ever considering giving up. To live instead of leave.